Happily ever after?

This is a two-part tale of family honour; domestic abuse; incompatibility; male dominance; misguided Islamic values; callousness of a Pakistani community towards a homeless mother and her infant son; a world-famous hospital’s refusal to get involved in family squabble; unfavourable immigration laws for the battered wife, a non-Muslim’s act of compassion; APPNA — Association of Physicians of Pakistani descent of North America’s disconnect and one Pakistani cosmetic surgeon’s solo search for justice.

In many ways the story has a similar thread that runs through a Bollywood movie Provoked in which Aishwarya Rai plays the role of a battered Indian wife. It’s a true story of a Punjabi woman named Kiranjit Ahluwalia who leaves India to marry a London-based guy, only to be badly abused. She ends up in prison for murdering her abusive husband. The story of ‘A’ that I unfold has an unfinished script. It has yet to reach an end, though in the words of the ‘Dr Good’ (the Pakistani cosmetic surgeon) who has come to her aid “the wheels of justice turn very slowly even here in the USA. The ACLU–(women’s abuse division) and every other human rights organization in America have been informed.”

Domestic violence among South Asians in America is endemic. In New Jersey alone (where I live) the police reported 75,651 cases of abuse in 2005. Muslim girls especially are a target of false Islamic values engendered by the community. Often the brutalization of the husband is encouraged by the community in the name of religion. While wives of visa holders are legal residents of the US, but they are not allowed by the law to work or to self-petition for legal permanent residency in the country. ‘A’ is a victim of this discriminatory law. “These policies violate basic human rights and must be changed for the US to demonstrate a commitment to eliminating policies that increase women’s risk for violence,” say Anita Raj, a professor at Boston University. Family law attorneys and social workers testify to the fact that an angry or demanding husband might threaten to “call immigration” and have the wife deported. Pamela Constable has profiled young Pakistani wives in a column in The Washington Post imprisoned in abusive marriages, unable to fight the gossip and shame that come with defying their culture and religion, isolated from help that is just a three-digit (911) phone number away.

“Many batterers manipulate Islamic law or use its perceived authority to control their wives. A man who has the power to divorce can really twist the knife,” says Mazna Hussain, an attorney for abused women at the Tahirih Justice Centre in Falls Church. “Muslim women want to be faithful to their religion, and the idea that you cannot disobey the word of God is very compelling, even if you are in an abusive relationship.”

In June this year, ‘Dr Good’ living in the Midwest gets a long-distance phone call late at night. The voice at the other end is sobbing and making no sense. He gets his wife to talk to the caller. Mrs Good recognizes the voice. It’s the young Pakistani wife ‘A’ living in an abusive relationship for two years. Her physician husband, who is in America on a ‘J’ visa, given to professionals, has kicked ‘A’ out of the house along with their son. Dr ‘S’ has also called the police with a concocted story about his wife’s attempt to kill him and the child. The police refuse to buy his story, seek out the abandoned wife sitting outside her home on a pavement and offer her shelter. She either goes to the official shelter for the abused or spends the night at the county jail. ‘A’ desperately calls the Pakistani community only to be told that they don’t want to get involved. Finally a Hindu friend of Dr Good living in the area agrees to take ‘A’ and her baby in.

Two days later, ‘A’ is invited for dinner by a Pakistani woman ‘Mrs Z’ with a promise to help. When ‘A’ arrives, she discovers a group of men from the local mosque along with the man of the house. ‘Mr Z’ does the talking. “To our mind you’re already divorced based on Islamic Law since your husband threw you out of the house, even though no papers have been served or legal briefs filed.”

The battered wife faces five hostile men who try intimidating her with statements like this: “All your husband has to do is to say that he divorces you three times. He can write what he has said in front of two witnesses and from a Shariah stand point you are divorced.” Has he done that? Asks ‘A.’ “He has told us that he has,” replies ‘Mr Z.’ If he’s already done that then why do you wish to talk to me? Asks ‘A.’ “Because we want to help you put your life together. We feel that you must not get involved with the local police and legal system. I think you made a mistake by calling 911 for police help. You should not have done that. But you can still help by withdrawing the abuse charge that you have placed against your husband. I do not think the abuse charge will help you at all. It will only hurt the good name of the Muslims in this town and I am sure you do not wish to do that. You and your son should go back to Pakistan immediately and live there with your parents. Your husband will then send you the Islamic divorce with the haq meher etc and the matter would be amicably settled. This will be a very decent act on your part and Allah will reward you.”

What about all the beatings, spitting on my face and profanities? Asks ‘A.’ “Sometimes people say and do things in anger, which they do not mean to do. I am sure your husband is very sorry for such behaviour. He has asked us to mediate on his behalf. His conditions are: you drop all charges against him; opt for an out-of-court settlement for separation; return to Pakistan and if you don’t he’ll withdraw your spousal visa and you will be declared ‘illegal’; your son will live half the time with his (her husband’s) parents in Pakistan; He will not provide you with any support of any kind.”

These so-called Muslims who denied shelter to a helpless woman from their country have the temerity to tell ‘A’ that she should not have gone to a Hindu’s house. “They are our enemies and they wish us bad.”

On the night when ‘A’ is thrown out, she’s working on her laptop. Being a computer expert, she knows her only weapon against her abusive husband is to record his beatings and abuses. She records the husband yelling, screaming, beating, slapping and spitting. In the background is the terrified cries of the child. ‘A’ is equally aggressive and argumentative. She’s demanding her visa that allows her to stay in the US as a dependant of her husband. He wants to divorce her and send her back to Pakistan.

The judge hearing the case issues an ‘order of protection’ against the husband and gives ‘A’ the custody of her son. The cosmetic surgeon and his wife, living 400 miles away from the scene of action, are the only Pakistanis coming to ‘A’s’ rescue. They drive back with her and offer to keep her until the matter is resolved.

(Next week: Before condemning Dr ‘S,’ we must hear his side of the story)

(To be continued)